she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
