god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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