talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
