Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
