True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
