There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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