All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize