I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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