He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
