Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize