actually, I'm a sock model
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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