FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
