i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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