apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
