why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The struggles of a small town man whore
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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