I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
