I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
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One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
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my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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