For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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