when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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