she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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