writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
