you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
