Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It's never too late to be topless.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
