Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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