i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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