You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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