Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
