I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
