Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
