I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
