Just took my morning after pill in the library
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
