My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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