do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
