dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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