At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
