Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
