does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
