I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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