You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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