it's like iHOP with fire
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
