she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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