i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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