My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
