the condom got lost in my hair
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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