He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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