i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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