You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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