My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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