how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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