We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
