I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
she told me i tasted like america
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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