Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
