Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
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Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
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The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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