You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
