my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
