I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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