I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I had to cum in my sink.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
