I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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