I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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