Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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