Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
