i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
