wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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