the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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