he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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