my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
