nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
we're so committed to being not committed
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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