How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My bed smells like the plague
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