my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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