You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
