this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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