This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
