Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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